Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Home is where the dogs are!

ello once again all!
It's been a bit, I know but I'm back.
Home! Is it a location? Is it an object? I'm still trying to figure it out. I hate shifting. I don't mean just the days and days of packing and moving huge boxes, I don't even mean the cuts and duct tape burns you find on yourself once the day is done. What I mean is dealing with pulling out everything you've collected over the years or months or even days, and having to deal with letting the place theyve occupied till now go!
I always related home to something permanent. One thing that didn't change in the background of whatever was going on with you. You know, something you can take for granted. A few months ago I had to deal with losing this stability. The truth is it took me longer than I'm proud to admit to adjust to it and well get on with what I was doing. Having finally managed that, I'm taking things in retrospect.
I have met some incredible people by now, some you'd know some you wouldn't, few famous, most not. And from all of them, the ones I still keep close and the ones I can't, I've derived something. And some of them have really been the reason I yank myself through! (Read on you'll realise who you are.)
I've known people whose 'home' the stability in which they live has been a living hell of fear and hatred, of fights and cursing, of money problems and stress issues-fragility. And they have to live through it all, and you know what? they do! They deal with it.
I've known people who've switched homes, houses, schools, cities, even countries more than once and have had to accomodate entirely new lifestyles. Even just comparing how much theyve shifted to how much I have makes me want to stop complaining. And from all of them I've come to learn something every needs to know- home IS a location sometimes, home IS an object- a bag a cycle a phone a computer at times but the truth about thsi concept of home is:
It's in your head.
It's your perception of things, it's how you see things around you, how you deal with things, home is your mind! It's the one thing that'll never change unless you choose to let it change! It's the one thing that DOESN'T leave you! Neighbours change, wallpapers change, parents fight, money comes and money goes but the one place you can and well do always get to stay in is your mind!
Home is something I still struggle to define physically atleast and perhaps always will, but it's something I've learnt alot of people have either wanted not to deal with and had to, or never been able to deal with.
So once again, the anonymous rule still holds. Don't give a name if it helps you open up, It doesn't matter. All I want is for anyone who reads this post to see what I've seen or then tell me about what they've seen.
Let's start.

20 comments:

anish said...

=)

i am glad u are moving on with ur life, and ur whole theory of the perception of ur mind being ur home is well, a perception, which is vital for u to go through.

my perception of home is my family, my parents, thats what i relate to. when i go back home, i go back to my parents, and my sister - thats home. and at home i feel this independence that i dont feel any where else. its my home, and i get really possessive about it. like i get really annoyed when random unknown people come over - takes away the one thing everyone needs at some point or the other, privacy!

also more than ur mind, i guess home is where your heart is, where u really are who u are, and have this attachment. if circumstances are against you, then dealing with it is all you can do - and then anything can be home - and harry i was honestly very happy to read this post for all the reasons u already know!

i am so glad!! :)

and really well written..i love your rawness and honesty, where u emote urself effectively.

blog on =)

jrod said...

heya harry!
you are completely right, its all in your head. i for one, think my home is in bangalore, the place where i go back to every year, the place where i can be with my brother.
im sure there are people who feel lost without their laptops, or their phones, only because they're insecure without these items. thats what you get from home... security. you feel safe and like nothing can go wrong when ur at home. and thats the most comforting feeling in the world!
one day, everything might suck, and you'll be treated cruelly by the world, and that day, you'll head back home, to just feel better. you'll know what home is then. :)
nice post! keep it up!

Anonymous said...

How are we defined as human beings?
At the most basic level i think we are defined by our family. When i refer to family- i imply that we are defined by our upbringing. It shapes us into the people we are. It governs our moral compass. The reason we venerate the concept of "home" is because it is what we associate with our family and with the people closest to us. The definiton of a family like all things has changed with time. However one thing that remains constant is the solidarity and the unity that is intrinsic to every family. A home is a place where you can afford to be who you truly wish to be at any cost. A home is a place where there is no one to compete with, no one to defeat, no one to be wary of. It is a place where we need not seek acceptance. It is a sanctuary to our deepest thoughts and our moments of pure elation. It is the only place where we truly forge an eternal connection. Where it is and whether it changes is of no consequence.

However in the perpetual search that is our lives- i do think that we can find this connection that we seek in something else. It does not need to be a familial bond. It can be far more spiritual. I am not what you would call a religous person but i think if we do find God and if we can truly be connected to him then in such a situation everything fades away. That kind of a spiritual connection transcends everything around us.

What is it we are searching for?

We are searching for a connection.
A solid eternal connection.

-Rajiv

ishika said...

home is cookies and hot chocolate, home is my bed warm from lying in,
home is hot showers& hugs and msn,
home is messy, complicated yet being in my skin
:)
no really despite the bad poetry, home to me is a voice that makes me smile, thats all, its what makes me happy. im glad uve found ur happy place.

Srini said...

Home is too deep a philosophy to define in physcial terms. We are entirely governed by our minds. What is this heart that we speak of? Is it something distinct from our minds or izzit something that governs our minds or izzit but another way of referring to the mind? Our homes are indeed built in our minds. We establish constants, we set parameters, we draft our personalities, as Rajiv said, our upbringings. This is the 'home' we look back to. This is the 'home' we return to in times of despair, in times of disappointment. We talk of the need 2 b able to fall back on something - this "home" is that something - tht someplace. Surely our personality will change, surely our parameters and views will change but in every phase of our lives - we set these things as the foundation from which we move forward, grow. That is home. Therein lies its importance.

Lemi said...
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Anonymous said...

Id say home is a place in the psyche, the heart or even in our lives; a place existent on the surface of the earth, above or below...where we can relieve ourselves of...well...stuff, and deal with other parts and objects of life....

as for a place to stay, ive shifted a total of two times, and fortuantely ive done it to the right place and at the right time.

also...i ran away from my previous residence coz it was crawling with chinese and pathans...rofl

pawan

Anonymous said...

You're right Harry, home is a state of mind, but it is also an ever changing perception related to the mood of the moment.
'Home is a place where you grow up wanting to leave, & grow old wanting to get back to.'
'Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.'
'Home is where you hang your head!'
'Home is home though it be homely!!'
At some point or another I've sworn allegiance to each of these sentiments & believed in it wholeheartedly. Depending upon my mood I could be John Pearce, or Robert Frost, or Groucho Marx or good ole English proverb & yet I would still be me!

Tejas said...

Hey harry,
Nice Writing.:P
I can really agree with you. Home is definately your mind. It may be the place to where people go to seek shelter, for some it may be their parents or entire family, or any physical location in general. Having been thrown around the place for far too long, ive stopped believing and sticking to just one place. Thats why i choose my bag. People get attached to their home, me, my bag. To me the entire world would be a home to me. I get around so much that my bag is actually the more constant factor in my life. Its all about opinion.
But yes the mind.
10^10000% correct.

wii said...
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Unmukt Goel said...

Personally, I really don't have any such 'bond' with my house. Over the past fourteen years here, I've lived in four diferent houses, for not very long in each. I guess I haven't had the chance to really get attached to the physical house. Even so, I've always gotten bored of my house in time, so I'm not sure I would form such a relationship with the physical structure. If there is one place that has been constant for me over the years, thats school. Its one thing that has not changed, and one home that I will always treasure.

Proma said...

I suppose/hope i'm one of those continuously travelling people who hasn't lived in one particular place for more than 5 years you were talking about... ah wait.. Dubai makes it 6 doesnt it? It's probably the longest i've been anywhere... even my mom is scared of shifting from there because she thinks it's where my base lies... finally! I'm not so sure.
When we bought our new house, i had the first sensation of truly having a 'home'... but then i shifted schools.. i only see my so called 'home' on holidays... and my room.. quite frankly it became more of an art project!
Am i upset about it? No i LOVE IT! I love to travel... it amazes me that i am still in touch with so many of my friends from earlier years...think about it... it's like i live in worlds that are poles apart!! i'm more than willing to travel... to me.. what's more exciting than moving to a new place to make a brand new start with people who don't know u at all? your perpetually given a second chance to change.. to adapt to everyone around you... i feel as though it gives u a more all round personality.. some call it 'international perspective' but frankly i despise that ter.
I look at coming to MUWCI for example as a reminder of my own culture and the pride i should have in it.. and this is conveyed through what i see of other cultures.. anyway i'm drifting...so...
'Home'... what is home? I suppose yes to some it could mean 'a state of mind'...
I'm not quite sure how to react to this blog. Quite frankly, i don't see myself as someone with a home. I'm not saying im 'homeLESS' but somehow i tend to use the word so loosely that it doesnt actually hold that much of an impact on me.
Thinking about it... if i go down to pune for the day, it's quite common to hear me saying 'shit i can't wait to get home'... and by that i mean back on campus to have a shower!! If i speak to Sanah, my first year, it's always 'oh back home we...' that's dubai. When i went to calcutta this project week i told all my friends i was going HOME to meet my mom and grandparents...
It's not really where i find any security. For me i think what could describe 'home' is a place to take a break from the hectic pace of everyday life...It doesnt mean i'm there to relax... it's more like a change that i look forward to.. does that make sense?
It's a physical place. It exists. It has no definite purpose...It's purpose is determined by my state of mind...

wii said...
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Govind said...

Home is the where the two most important things that we cherish lie - memories (many of them) and the people we care about.

Just the other day, as I opened my drawer, my eyes fell on a scrawl by the side - my initials in fluorescent yellow; I had scribbled that on one particularly intense day of work before a board exam. I had decided that I would rub it out the day my exams ended .. the desire to rub out that mark, odd as it may seem, kept me going for a couple of days. Similarly, I also discovered a weird name on my curtain - it was the name of a Holland cricketer who had dismissed Tendulkar during the 2002 world cup, as India seemed to be heading for the exit door.
Emotions such as these cannot be captured anywhere else .. home is perhaps like an advanced diary that holds your memories.

Then there is family, neighborhood and friends ... which all provide a sense of security. You are the master of the place. There are no restrictions - nothing to challenge you or stop you from doing what you want.

There are various aspects of 'home' that make it so special .. but to me, these two are the most important.

ankita said...

For me home is my parents, my sister. Nothing can change that.. It is a state of mind definately.. there is no location. I would say that more than a place it is the people with whom you share that attachment.. where you feel loved ...and you give back that love unconditionally.

I, as a matter of fact, do take home for granted(not proud of it). It only struck me as to how lucky I was when certain friends began confinding in me about their problems at home. It affected me a hell of a lot.. because I could not ever imagine myself dealing with things like that... and these people were those whom I cared/care about. I always felt like I wanted to do something to help ..to make them feel better.. but at these points you find yourself quite helpless. All you can do is to understand and support them. No do not get me wrong! There is absolutely NO sense or feelings of pity for people going through such circumstances ... ONLY ADMIRATION! ONLY RESPECT! i only probably wanted to help (as is natural) esp people whom you care about...But these people have taught me a lot.. to go through your day no matter how long .. how stressful ...always smiling! You cannot help but respect and love such people! I would probably feel the happiest when these people fight back with a poisitve approach, no matter how difficult things may seem, and finally achieve their dreams! Do not let anything stop you! Remember its all in the mind! Dont let your problems get the better of you!

Anonymous said...

:')
thank you ankita.

Abha said...

I also think that the concept of home is in your mind. It's the level of comfort you have within a place, be it a house, a city or a country. The more comfortable you are, the more you feel at home - you could be in Japan and feel at home.

I never seemed to have moved homes, just countries.

I have lived in India, England, India, Dubai, Australia, Dubai, Spain, Dubai - in that order over the past 15 years. I often confuse where I belong, but lately have realised that I don't need to belong anywhere - the world is my oyster.

Good post.

Kurush said...

I think "Home" is a place where I can just relax; away from the madness of the outside world. I know that no matter how crazy the world around me gets, I will always have my own little place to go back to.

Oh and Harry, good job with the blog, bud! I think it's pretty damn sweet. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

Hallo Harry,

As one of those people living in one home for two months.. and in another for thr rest of the year.. i couldnt agree with you more.. i feel that a home is made by the people around you. They needn't be your family, they could be friends, or even aquaintances.. home is the place you want to go after a hard days work, its where you experience the deepest of sleeps and the happiest dreams. When I am at home, i feel secure, whether in dubai, or in aus..I have two rooms, to kitchens, and two different lives... but one home..Its where, you enjoy being who you are..
-Upasna

ps. i know this is a very late post.. but hey.. better late than never.. i really enjoyed ure blog..

Jozie said...

The word "home" means something different to everybody. So i guess i agree with you in saying that Home IS in our heads. It all depends on what YOU believe it to be. It'll be only that. So i don't think anyone has to think about it too much, because whatever it is, it's there.

Jozie