I don't know when, how and why but at some point this blog turned into a vent space and as I've now learnt is a necessary catharsis for me. Fuck.
I have spent the better part of this past week indoors on account of exams and perhaps it's the claustophobia, but I've had it till here with this.
The other day in the shower it occured to me what's been plaguing me for the past couple of months. I've lost most of my drive. I want to laze. I do not want to do things, I know I honestly do and more than anything else is an overwhelming feeling of just being tired. The problem is I'm satisfied.
A couple blogs ago, much like a victory speech I declared my pride at certain things I'd done and won and that, it seems was my peak. I'm going downhill now. It is the worst feeling to have. The thought that I deserve to rest or that I have earned the right to let certain 'problems' weigh me down because I'm just tired of dealing with it. It's a pain in my fucking ass and I hate it.
But why have I blogged today? In about an hour, Manchester United will face Liverpool FC in a premier league fixture. About two and half hours after that Arsenal will face Chelsea. These two games may not decide, but will definitely be a huge part in deciding where the title of English champions goes. It could be us. Bloody hell it has to be us. We've fought like fucking dogs and mucked ourselves up a fair bit in the process (get well Eduardo) but the 'children' are here to win it. This is as big as it's gotten since the invincible season three years ago when we last one the league, without losing a single game mind you.
This is a time when Arsenal are still achieving. In all possibility, if and when they do achieve, this horrible feeling of satisfaction and being content may strike them too, and from experience I can tell you it can really mess things up (Case in point Ashley Cole). Tonight we could end with our fists pumping and our lungs bursting with the rest of the cunts with their heads drooping. It could possibly not. They said this race would go down to the wire and I think it's safe to say we're ON the wire. It's barbed and it's cutting at the legs but it feels great.
The borrowed thrill of Arsenal still in achievement mode while I sit here like an idiot in chill out mode is in itself exhilirating. Once the exams are done, I begin the next phase of my achieving, hopefully anyway. I look forward to it. And I will always look back at this shit hole of a period of time and only remember that the fucking Gunners rode high and mighty.
Come on you Reds!