Thursday, November 23, 2006

Gay? so?

ello all!
I have kissed a man! Yes I have and no it doesn't bother me. I hate though, the presumption that it should bother me. I am willing to believe that we live in a time when we accept gay people. Yes we'll accept that they exist and that they go about their way. We will not frown upon them, or spit on them for that matter, but I don't think we're quite at dealing with 'IT' yet!
About 3, maybe 4 years ago I found out that my uncle is gay. Id just thought he dressed a bit odd and maybe just didn't want to get married. In fact he was as married as it legally gets in America. I thought about it but never really absorbed it.
Anyway few years later I kissed a good friend of mine. It wasn't as if we'd had a passionate session together, more of a light peck on the lips in front of a lot of people. I said it was to freak people out, but the truth was I wanted to see if I had the guts. We've done it a few times after, these times though purely for freak out purposes, not because we enjoyed it but because everyone gets freaked out so easily!

HOYAY! is a term used for "homoerotic yay!" that I came across. It's TV lingo for avid fans of shows like One tree hill, and the OC and stuff. Basically they go through episodes and freeze frame them to see if theres anything HOYAY about it. The yay comes from Buffy, where Willow(who was gay) would say YAY! alot. Hence hoyay! and people will actually search for moments where two guys are hugging and stuff. There are seperate threads and forums dedicated to such 'evidence' of such 'activities.'
Here's something more, this 12 yr old I was talking to, bear in mind that's 8th grade, mid conversation asked me if I was gay. My reply was 'there are times' which had her and alot of her other friends exasperated. She then went on to ask for a 'vomit bag' and in fact did look a bit sickened.
Why is it so strange to deal with it?! Why is it an 'it'? I fail to understand why when a gay person, or hoyay, or a poem with the word 'gay', comes we suddenly prick our ears up. Why is it so strange!?
The point of my post is this:
Comment on this anonymously if you want to, don't worry about it. But I am asking, in fact challenging ANYONE who reads this to come up with ONE good reason why it should be so weird for us. Why they should be called 'queer'! If you're against 'it' please come forward and say it even if it's anonymously. Most of all though don't say you're accepting if you're not.
I've heard the churches say it's because it was Adam and Eve. not Adam and everett. It's only natural. I've heard people say even Darwin's theory of evolution supports it. I've heard it all, and nothing can explain it. It's a genetic coding in a person that makes them hetro/homo. It's as natural as it gets. Evolution?! this is it! There ARE gay animals, so what if baby's don't come out.
My dream is this:
Have a gay dream and don't care!
Don't care about whether a man or woman is gay or not.
People like Will Young not being afraid to say they're gay.
My dream is for me to not have to blog on this. My dream is for me to not feel like I'm gloating about being accepting when I blog about this.
Have an opinion, fine, have something to back it!


Tejas said...

Oh Harry!(dreamy sigh)
I can't believe you 'oh-so-subtely' revealed the secret of our clan!
It's time we addresed that we're not gay, but that its just not wrong! We are not gay but we are so!I guess it was only a matter of time...:P
I love you!

Anonymous said...

Very well put harry.
I definately agree.We need to address situations like these,and not differentiate between gays and straight people,but cmon-kissing a guy on the lips in front of many people is definately not the best way to prove that your not gay...
[p.s.not trying to say ur gay,but dude cmon!]

Eamonn said...

Just thought id say something as for some reason everyone asumes that i am gay> Let me start off by saying that i am NOT. This however does not imply i have a problem with people who are. Yes the church says its wrong and yes it is taboo but lets face it at one point so was women voting or making descisions or for that matter being seen in public. How many womeen today can say that they would be happy if it were true today.
Lets get the facts straight. Very few people choose to be gay it is completely natural to them, so i do not think it is right to judge them or consider them social outcasts.
Sure there was a time when i did have a problem, really really really long ago. My views have changed since then, for the fact that a)i was considered one and i know how it felt and b) i grew up.
Its just a question of being accepting. It really is as simple as that.

Anonymous said...

Stirring up the old hornet's net, aren't you?

Homosexuality and the countless debates that go with it barely recent. Either way, before anyone decides to go vocal about anything, I feel they should go out of their way to know all there is to know. An unqualified statement is the worst kind of statement. The genetic nature of the cause for homosexuality hasn't been confirmed. I'm not implying that you don't know enough about homosexuality to open up a debate about it; I'm only making sure that no one runs away with strong opinions that aren't justified by fact and truth; by extension of which I mean before forming an opinion, one should always be in the know.

From the little I know, most people find it strange because it's a departure from the norm. Anything that isn't normal is at first questioned and then either accepted or rejected. However, most people don't see an option in this case. That's usually because it not only contradicts the natural and the majority, but also crosses swords with religion.

You may have noticed that this is the way of the world: Even if an idea, whether good or bad, faces rejection, eventually it will find favour with some. In this case, it's a choice of sexuality; An option that some are willing to consider. I've made a few personal predictions based on the little history I know, and they're pretty much in the processs of fulfillment. I knew some day that some churches would eventually sanction it.

What's interesting to me is how the world still follows the trend with which I opened the previous paragraph. I see the same pattern with paedophilia. Again, I'll never be knowledgable enough, but as it appears to me now, it's the same ol' same ol'. Right now, paedophilia is under universal attack. Mark my words, there will come a time when paedophilia too will be a choice, just another choice. On the lighter side, I don't think many heads of many churches will find that very hard to legitimize, taking into account the happenings the world over. I'm not pointing fingers at religion or religious heads, it's just an observation. Though I'd love to be wrong about paedophilia, one can never tell.

Aashini said...

Heyy Harry,
There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. Im in 8th Grade and some of my friends are extremely grossed out by the fact that there are some gays in our school. On asking them what is wrong with gay people, I found out that they think that kissing a person of the same sex is absolutely revolting for them. But honestly, why do they care? Its not their lives and its not their business. If someone wants to share their emotions and affections with a person of the same sex, what is wrong with that? Some people I know are absolutely horrified at that thought that there are people like that in the world...but who cares? Let them do what they want, let them live their own life.Its their wish and noone can do anything about it....they feel secure...they have no shame whatsover to talk about it in why do people have to put them down when they do?...To be honest, it takes a lot of guts for a person to come out and say that he/she is homosexual because of this society.More than 80% of people will ignore the person once he/she says they are homo or else people will begin to feel weird around that particular person, because they fear that maybe that person will begin to feelings for them. They will get scared and hence, will begin to ignore that person, and the person will then feel like an outcaste. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. There is something wrong with society. Once a person bears in mind that being homo is bad, he will spread the message and then practically everyone will start believing that untrue fact. I have no shame in admitting that not very long ago, I also used to think that homo people are weird. But then again, I had no proof. So I thought about it and came to the conclusion that what the hel is my problem? I dont care and never will about who is gay and who is not. The fact is that you are being yourself and not trying to be someone else.Its completely natural. Thats all I have to say! Quite a lot I know...but wateva....Nice Blog Dude!!! Blog On!!!

niranjana said...

yo harry ,
i cannot believe u r actually sayin all o this. i mean ok we get it . its all cool ..........
by tha way if people are wonderin hoo that 12 yr old was. that was me . i gotta admit first i was really freaked out but now come to think of it its really ok ( i really mean it this time )

until then

Anish said...

my sister lived in spain with a gay spanish couple, officially married and she loved it!

she felt so protected - they were gay after all, and they were the funniest people she had met, as in genuinely funny, and above all the couple loved each other, with all their heart..

and umm..they would take turns at playing the guy...:P - if u get what i mean..

personally, gay people are people, and they are like us, we all get attracted to different types of long as its mutual, and no ones affected, nothing is wrong with it...right?

i hate the crap negative "OMG" approach towards gay people. dont judge them, dont criticize them, dont sympathize with them, dont ridicule them, they are people, accept that, and see them for the person they are.

Megan said...

ok well i nvr said there was anythin rong with gay ppl! it was all niranjana actually! nd ofcourse we (Harry, Eamonn, Aashinin nd myself) believe u wen u say u r ok with gays ppl!! NOT!! i mean u guys should see her in the bus its hilarious we jus say gay nd she dies! but anyway each person to themselves there is nothing rong with being gay! so to everybody out tehre hus gay dont worry im not scared of terrified of u!
oh nd btw harry...ur really creative..keep goin!

chun said...

This is your mother.....
Hello !!
your zodiac is LIBRA........I am Gemini.......!
God !
Okay, I believe you, who did you kiss ?? I think I know who !?!?
All that stuff is fine, but ARE YOU STUDYING ????

Romit said...

I think its the indian mind set and the orthodox one which mainly brings us to see gay people as something else. I think the modern world has changed.
I had once met a gay couple in Disney world while standing in line for "space mountain". they were sharing the Turkey leg in a very weird way. It was a long line. After Sometime i started talking to one of them,he must have been in his twenties, one thing led to another and he told me that he is actually bi. He just likes the company of his very close friend and wants to express it sexually. I was in 10th .... not really accustomed to all this...did get freaked. I later did laugh and mock him. so i guess its the mind set that we need to change.
Watch "Will and grace", "Two and a half men" to see the funny side to them and to get along with them.

unmukt said...

Just something I wanted to add..

Why is it that society always treats people as men and women? Why can't we 'like' people for what they are,irrespective of their sex? Why is there this segregation of sorts?

unmukt said...

I dont think I was very clear with the previous comment. What I mean to say is that why is it that a person must be categorised into straight/gay/bi? Isn't it possible that you admire someone for what they are, irrespective of their sex?

Anonymous said...

I've noticed, having being around many gays at different points of time, that they enjoy making other people feel uncomfortable. I hate to generalize - prove me wrong please. In India, every single gay I've known (and believe me, in Delhi there are a LOT of gays) loves to make me feel awkward in their company.

Gays in other parts of the world may be very different, but Indian Gays are social outcasts, or rather they have their own society. They feel differently, they feel uncomfortable and then make an effort to make me feel uncomfortable. Not just me, its everyone I know in Delhi (not only the upper class).

I don't like Indian gays. I don't mind any other gays as long as they mind their own personal affairs, with like-minded people. They can pretty good directors you know... :p

Lesbians though....are AWESOME!

Harry said...

ello all!
Thanks for the comments and yes please keep them coming. Unmukt with regard to the man/women thing, I think it's harder because well the physical difference is so obvious. As for the anonymous who just posted i find that very interesting actually. Ive never come across anyone saying this but I will take your word for it. My gay uncle too is indian though he's lived most of his ecto-closetal years in the US so I imagine it makes a difference. I still want more from you guys tho!keep them going!

A said...

The anonymous who just posted, he's my friend - wii.

Romit said...

The main guy is still to write.....................

ali said...

well, i strongly agree with what ashiq said.
anything thats not normal, is questioned. wats normal? well for most people, upto a certain age in their lives; relationships occur only between men and women. the primary example : parents.

when the concept of homo/bi sexuallity is introduced, its something very new. then however, with age, how people deal with homosexuallity is upto them.

i agree with what you say, that people have no right to condemn natural instincts, but well, life is like a leaf.

one thing though:
"some of my friends are extremely grossed out by the fact that there are some gays in our school"
wow! i never knew! whoda thunk harry? who?!
wat the hell are they talking about?! (curiosity :P)

you're good friend

ali said...

*your good friend

i hate it when i make grammatical bloody errors

jrod said...

be what you want, how you want. who cares what others think? if you know in your heart that what you're doing feels right, and is right, then do it! sure, its nice to be accepted, we all want that, but if it comes in the way of being who you are.. well... u know. not that im saying ur gay, 'course. im talking generally.
in our school, being gay is seriously frowned upon, especially in the girl's section. its a sad thing, but its true. hopefully with your very brilliant post (i really love it, by the way) people's minds will change.

a pretty nice movie revolving around a relationship between a woman and a homosexual guy is 'the object of my affection'. yes, it stars jennifer aniston, but i really love it. thats how it should be.

oh, did i mention, nice post! [:D]

Anonymous said...

Ali - Nearly everyone in our school is gay.

Anonymous said...

Socities are all fraught with perceptions that have existed from the time of their very inception. Homosexuality being frowned upon by many religous faiths led to people having a fixed stance about homosexuals.

I think whenever something occurs that is against the natural order of things it is bound to ruffle some feathers. Modern society is more open to the concept of homosexuality and bisexuality but we predominantly mask ourselves under this veneer of acceptance when we really have major issues with something. To redress society as a whole is mammoth task but i think we need to all look beyond the sexual orientation of a man or a woman and look at what he/she can achieve, and how he/she can contribute to anything in general.

We cannot expect people to forsake all hope of acceptance in society and in the face of humiliation weather the storm : There is nothing wrong with seeking acceptance. What needs to be redressed is the very basis upon which we accord acceptance to individuals.


wii said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wii said...

Let's ignore the gays who are homosexual through gene defects for the time being.

I think the main reason people are afraid or unwilling to accept gays (ignoring Indian Gays also) is the fact that they cannot imagine same-sex romance. I personally found the idea of gay intimacy and intercourse displeasing.

There's this set-image, this sort of stereotype in my mind (and maybe yours) about gay people being sexual predators. I used to confuse them with paedophiles INvouluntarily, passing them off as people who force others to "join 'em".

There's also this preset notion in many minds that the world is either male or female and where Male-male or female-female love is high treason to the brother/sister-hood.

North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMbLA) is a paedophile activist group (as you may have figured from the name). Look into them (wiki it is) and just for a moment, imagine if these men decide to drop diplomacy and talks, choosing action over words (mark my words, that day isn't far away). Those are the kind of gays that suck (literally?).

republican said...

Firstly, the Indian society duz not oppose homosexuality in all vehemence. That famous treatise in love-making, Kamasutra has an entire chapter devoted to homos.

Secondly, I see no harm in feeling gay - but why make a big issue out of it yer? Why duz an issue regarding sexuality receive so much of publicity? why must it get so excited a response?

I believe there's a scale from 1-6 wich indicates ure orientation (based on genes ocourse) - so there is no 'electing' or 'choosing' to be gay. Atleast, that's what recent studies have stated. I'm also left wondering how it is in recent years that sooo many people seem to hav the gay 'gene'. That i'll not understand.

I am not opposed to a person feeling gay but I oppose gay rights - particularly adoption of children. Proven, it is that a child is best brought up by a mother and a father or perhaps by a single parent. But I'd think gay couples potentially adversely affect the 'family values' and upbringing of a child. Either this or, on the other end of the spectrum, it probably makes the child stronger.

Mixed, unsure response - I know.

Anonymous said...

For republican:

Is there a Gay gene?

Many laymen now believe that homosexuality is part of who a person really is ­ from the moment of conception.

The "genetic and unchangeable" theory has been actively promoted by gay activists and the popular media. Is homosexuality really an inborn and normal variant of human nature?

No. There is no evidence that shows that homosexuality is simply "genetic." And none of the research claims there is. Only the press and certain researchers do, when speaking in sound bites to the public.

How The Public Was Misled

In July of 1993, the prestigious research journal Science published a study by Dean Hamer which claims that there might be a gene for homosexuality. Research seemed to be on the verge of proving that homosexuality is innate, genetic and therefore unchangeablea normal variant of human nature.

Soon afterward, National Public Radio trumpeted those findings. Newsweek ran the cover story, "Gay Gene?" The Wall Street Journal announced, "Research Points Toward a Gay Gene...Normal Variation."

Of course, certain necessary qualifiers were added within those news stories. But only an expert knew what those qualifiers meant. The vast majority of readers were urged to believe that homosexuals had been proven to be "born that way."

Republican, there's no such thing as born gay. It's a misconception. Ashiq, Ali, Aashani, Rajiv, Wii, Republican and Harry - you all should know your facts first.

No attested site will tell you otherwise with any conviction. Many researchers have supposedly "proved" the existence of a defect in the X-chromosome, but they say its extremely rare.

wii said...

From the way I see it, its pretty simple. I doubt there is a gay gene - the gene wouldn't survive natural selection. Gays and lesbians can't have kids of their own (except for very recently). My previous posts were flawed - Thank you anonymous.

( )

Republican claims that there is a chapter in the KamaSutra dealing with same-sex relationships. The book details on how 'aggresive' men and women, who refuse to marry, spend their lives in a house with a partner. There is no love, just some recreation...


Harry said...

ello Anonymous
Thanks for clearing that up and setting it straight. Even as a mere choice a person makes, if it doesn't really harm anybody, why not deal with it. The purpose of the post was acceptance. Whatever the cause, acceptance. Once again I apologise for not getting my facts in order first, and in the process misleading a bunch of people more than they already were.

Anonymous said...

wiii !!omg dude that nambla thing is SICK!!!!!!!

ashiQ said...

I thought it would be clear from the first paragraph of my comment that I agree with 'anonymous' about "knowing the facts first".

"The genetic nature of the cause for homosexuality hasn't been confirmed" - this is a sentence I used. How is it different from the misconception that 'anonymous' mentioned?

Anonymous said...

My mistake. Sorry.

Other said...

Congrats, you've got more posts on your 3rd post than Anish got in his 20+ posts. Not a competition I know. You've written a good post that everyone has a different stand on.

Abha said...

You will notice in most Western countries, it is most normal to be gay. Like you are blond or a Sardarji, you are gay. It's not a big deal. After all, it's just a sexual orientation that you are born with, it's pathetic how they are discriminated against.

I think the reason(s) why it's so blown out of proportion is ignorance, closed minded-ness, and to some extent culture/society related upbringing.

anish said...

What about bisexuality?

Harry said...

ah indeed anish! Again it's just a choice right. I in no way meant to sort of leave 'them' out because for all i know i AM one of 'them'! I think all said does apply to them to. And as for 'other'(I love how you guys didnt go anonymous..!) ur right no competition, but it does feel good(Ur still the best blogger I know Anish!) Furthermore on the different views bit I can't say I agree. alot of you have just said similar stuff which could be a good thing...or could it? Let's see! Until I post again, same blog time same blog spot, considerably less attempts of signing off cool-ly!
Tinker on!

Anonymous said...

To anonymous who enlightened us about the fact that the existence of the gay gene hasn't been proved-I made no reference to it whatsoever.


Tejas said...

I say we push harrys comments limit to 40 at least!
Since everyone has spoken about it and done all the important reasearch and linking and questioning and answering...I'll shutup.
Dream On!

Other said...

I think this article is pretty good:

It talks about how gays and lesbians hate bisexuals.Which is infact, queer.

Anonymous said...

Wohooo..... a comment to push the comment list up......go harry...ure almost 40

Anonymous said...

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

anish said...

NO 40 - and the pleasure is all mine!:P

well done harry - an uproar successfully created.

republican said...

But why all this uproar, I wonder. I believe it was Bill Clinton who formulated the 'Dont Ask; Dont Tell' policy. As long as that's followed I dont see any problems. While I may have disagreed with him on majority of issues - he was probably 'right' on this. (Hope you got the unintended pun).

Anonymous said...

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?" in response to this gross generalization all i can say is that the author has only based his comments based on responses in a very skewed and biased demographic. Gay and lesbians now have proper rights, see "Le Pac" in France, allowing them to be legally "wed", adoption is slightly trickier, but nonetheless, they are a fully integrated part of our society. The sad part is that it took so long for "normal" people to get with it. The topic is definitely still controversial, but the post is slightly anachronistic. Times have changed, let's all wake up and be more cognizant instead of dwelling on "what have beens"

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Gays should be left alone. You're hurting their feelings.

Anonymous said...

12 yr old means 7th grade genius

Harry said...

To anonymous at 3:26, thanks for that. As uve probably realised along the course of the other comments, I have made a few mistakes in my writing and again I'm extremely sorry. However the demographic with regard to whom I'm writing is basically the people around me at this point in time, to whom it does apply. I should, and yes will take into consideration others reading my post. Thanks for the comments guys.

Govind said...

Funny .. the topic that you didn't want to have to blog on has the most comments!!

Haven't had the time to read ALL the comments .. i might be reechoing someone else's thoughts but,

After all, they are people. Who are we to judge them? How can society rubber-stamp them? All arguments weigh in favor of supporting gays;
even so, I can assure you that atleast half of the people on here will internally, if not openly, feel awkward in the company of gays!!

bajpai said...

50...almost there...

Junaid said...

I think the question we need to ask ourselves is that where is the line we should draw between tolerance and acceptance of homosexuality?

Homosexuality can be tolerated but if all people in the world were to accept it in totality, it would be immoral.

Lemi said...

id do the 'mwah' (=P) but thtd prob make u go gay 4 sure!

ickhead said...

this gay uncle of yours defintly had a lasting impact on your life eh ?
your attentionseeking kiss apart, being gay more of a fashionstatemnt these days.

and if God allmighty was cool with homosexuality, wouldave been adam n Steve, not adam n eve dingabat.

with all due respect, your well on your way to being that smelly old gay uncle to another naive scoolkid 20 years hence.

lisha said...

52.there you go... now wasnt that easy?

Anonymous said...

hi harry
i dont actually noe hoo u r but wateever um u r very open and i feel happy 4 u!good that u r so free with the world!i find nothin wrong with homosexuality .

niranjana said...

hey harry

this is niranjana
well comgrats on reaching 53 .............. and oh! im off the hook now


niranjana said...

congrats ......... man i hate my comp

Shweta said...

k... by the way.. my dogs are gay:D
n im proud of it cuz its sort of cute:P
so what if ppl swing the other way?! i dont see nething rong with it..