Sunday, February 03, 2008

Patches and Pans

ello all!
I bring to you some more mindfucking from my Psychology class!
Today's tasty dish is a concept known as Perceptual Constancy. Essentially it is this little thing in your head which ensures that even if there is a significant change to the surrounding context, the object being perceived is always percieved as itself.
I'll explain. But I must warn you that it involves a bit of an activity on your part, dear reader. Alright? Ok good.
Lift your left hand up and keep it about a foot away from your face. Look at it. Pretty eh?
Alright, now move it lower, to a slightly darker place if possible. Still pretty eh?
Alright now bring it about 4 centimetres away from your face.
Notice anything? Ofcourse not. That's perceptual constancy. Your hand, whether it's orange in color in light, or grey in color in darkness, or a blurry fuzz jammed in your face, will always be percieved as your hand. The question is, is it?
Imagine if every time you looked at something you saw it independently and objectively, like it's brand new. You saw it MINUS the constancy. Everything would actually seem unique in it's own right.
When your best friend does something shitty, it wouldn't matter because you know it belongs to one context and one context alone! You'd never be jaded! EVERYTHING would be spontaneous...! For me, it's the absolute in 'Living in the now.'
I'm not saying it would be ideal or it's something we should strive for but the idea is something that's got me in all kinds of spins. Something to apply.
Just a thought...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Jerk my knee!

ello all!
Something struck me today and when I thought about putting it down I'd actually forgotten I had my blog! Perhaps it's the fact that my last few posts have been purely personal. Perhaps not.
We, people, humans, intelligent beasts, shepherds, are a bunch of petrified idiots. I've realised that it's not that we cannot use the remaining 94% of our brains, it's just that we do not. We choose not to think too deep. We choose not to accept ourselves as individuals in independent contexts. We choose to conform because, and this is usually considered intelligent, it's easier that way.
I've been studying some psychology as part of my course lately and my belief in the most basic principle of The Matrix has never been stronger. The principle is, that reality, your reality is yours and yours alone. Everything you touch and see and hear and smell is rooted in signals being sent to YOUR brain. Your mind. Pain is subjective and so is love. Memories can be reconstructed so easily by the vaguest of associations that you can actually rehearse an entirely fictitious story in your mind and 'learn' a new feeling or fear. In the right state of subconsciousness you can convince yourself of anything. Of a purple sky and a green ocean and a gun in the hand of the suspect in the murder case your testifying to. So then tell me. What is real?
The blue sky outside this room and this keyboard I keep hitting at are created by me. The world is flat until a brainwave signals to me that it's not. This is the world I've decided to live in, and sure I could change it to whatever I want to. Change it to peaceful and wonderous at any time. But I know that I am too damn happy with this place I'm in, and whatever I'm struggling with I'm enjoying too. Real is what I say it is.
In this world of mine, I've seen so many people, and I'm one of them too mind you, cling to a generalised system of rules and codes, that I can't help but reach the conclusion I started this post with. We're a bunch of petrified idiots. Honestly, I am.
It's easy to mock someone who clings to the values and manners that their 'religion' calls for, but how about us, the other idiots who cling to our own form of religion. In television. In 'Friends' and 'The OC.' Rules on how to behave. On how to react. How to be with your girlfriend. Ignore the actual feeling you have and follow the format.
What is reality? I am reality. There are no rules until I create them.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Hitting the fan...

ello all!
This post which you are about to read is the first one I have really forced myself to write. Usually if I think of one and I end up expressing it somewhere other than my blog, I don't put it down but then this one is really quite a milestone in terms of my life. And so, since this blog is also a chronicle of sorts, I shall express once more, for the sake of memories.
Last month, when I returned to college for semester deux, I went in with a mission. I realised at several points during my break in Jaipur, that all my life I have always thought. The time had come for me to shut the fuck up and do!
Regular readers and friends will know that I am an Arsenal fan and by extension they will know why. It dawned upon me that until last month, while I have always been an arsenal fan, I was inadvertently a Chelsea man. As much as i hated to acknowledge or accept it, I had always been logical and fucntional. Fucking cunt is what I was.
This past month, I have disowned all aims and goals I ever set for myself. I worked on instinct and there were many times when I paid for it. Whether it was unfortunate 'blips' in the process of getting things I desperately craved, or getting my aim way way wrong, things didn't hurt me the way they did before. Shit really stung now. Essentially I was feeling and living harder than ever before because now I actually lived Arsenal!
In finally becoming an Arsenal man, I have made some awesome 'plays' and have been able to not only find people I genuinely care for, but find people who genuinely care for me. As such I have scored two 'goals.'
The first, is a wooden sheild with cheap plastic gold plating. It is the BMM cup of Talaash '07. It is glorious. It is the result of a truly Spartan effort. 8 of us, got together, with our team name assigned as Spartans, and we took on Jai Hind on it's own turf. We trounced past everything we took part in and defeated teams with contingents 5 and 6 times the size of ours. We fought as a unit and took what we wanted, which incidentally was everything. We did at as Spartans, as Wilson. We did it for a good time, winging it and bringing it. All in all, pretty badass.
The second, is the result of a confession I made. I confessed to a friend I had no right to love the way I did, how I felt about her, trusting that we'd come out stronger. I didn't count though on us coming out together. My second goal is one I will always cherish. Her name's Kyra and she's beautiful. It's not been a fairy tale, but it's been amazing.
I don't know how things will be and as it stands I don't quite care. All I know is that for the first time I'm actually living and it feels better than ever.
To my Olive, the now is way to bitching for me to care about the future.
To Jai Hind and Chelsea, game on.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Time for revolution...

UPDATED: November 10
ello all,
Alright you know how sometimes you want to blog about a lot of things and then suddenly one thing comes along that just binds all of them and presents you with the base to your point? Well me neither, until now that is.
On the 7th of November, Finland was stunned. In a public school in Jokela, an 18 year old boy opened fire on several students and staff members, killing 9 and injuring several others. He then pointed the gun to his own head and shot himself. A few hours later he died too.
This incident is not unlike the few others in the recent past and has several essential similarities. Obviously people will compare and contrast and in doing so they will choose points of blame. If you want to know a bit about this kid, or the little of himself he'd like for you to know anyway, then follow this link to his channel on Youtube.
I don't know this guy and the only exposure I've had to him is from that site and from the subsequent news releases. What I do know, and this is something Marylin Manson pointed out in his interview with Michael Moore from "Bowling for Columbine," is this: this guy, like the guy in the VaTech shooting, and the kids at Columbine, basically needed someone to listen to him. What are the similarities between the killers? They all feel they're outcasts. Granted the stance they take is one of superiority, deeming the rest of humanity weak and senseless, but the basic fact is they were alienated and had to develop independently. Hence the videos on YouTube before they do it. They know they will be judged and they have to give someone that idea that's fuelling them.
The point of this post is something we've discussed in length in class. It's essentially web 2.0. I'm not willing to talk about what fuelled these killers and whether they were right or wrong because that's a judgement I cannot make. My morals are mine and theirs are theirs. I've reached where I am for my reasons and I have to trust that they have reached theirs for their own reasons. The point is, that web 2.0, represents the last, and I mean final bastion of free expression. I can blog here and post videos on YouTube. I can say what I want and how I want to. I can care about whoever's responses I want. YouTube have suspended this guy's account and his last one, and I'm not sure what the terms of violation are. If I find out I'll update below, but if anyone does know, I'd appreciate a comment.
The point is, people will look to blame YouTube for allowing the spread of such 'sick' thoughts, as the Australian paper the Herald Sun deemed them. None of us can decide what's good or bad and none of us will EVER reach a unified conclusion on it. Many of us feel that objectivity is therefore, the only answer.
Some will feel therefore that certain things shouldn't be said. Motives should be questioned. They believe objectivity is therefore, everything that is not subjective. What web 2.0 offers thought, is the OTHER way to objectivity, whereby everything should be said and all motives should be allowed. Let everyone be as subjective as they want and then pick sides or hell, even make sides! This is to me is a silent renaissance. A splurge of thoughts and ideas, terribly subjective and close minded at times, but genuine none the less. If my blog gives it's views today it's because I feel it, and the beauty of web 2.0 is you can make your own blog and slag off mine! The Finnish kid who deemed the rest of the planet weak and mindless, believed that for his reasons and it was only on his YouTube and MySpace pages that he could express that. You can choose to blame the net for spreading his ideas and possibly influencing several others to do as he has, but the net has no reasonable liability, because another net user, the Aussie Herald Sun, deemed his thoughts 'sick.'
Che Guevara believed in a balance, in using past ideals where they are apt and incorporating all of them into your own ideal which is apt to your context. This balance will not be achieved by restricting thoughts and ideas. It'll only be achieved by making these thoughts accessible to everyone and that is what wikis like Wikipedia do.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me how I could expect to reach a point of 'no expectations,' pointing out the blatant contradiction. What I have to say to him now, as I told him I would, is that what I can expect is to expect everything.

UPDATE:
OK, bad news.
From YouTube's Terms of Use :
"YouTube reserves the right to decide whether Content or a User Submission is appropriate and complies with these Terms of Service for violations other than copyright infringement, such as, but not limited to, pornography, obscene or defamatory material, or excessive length. YouTube may remove such User Submissions and/or terminate a User's access for uploading such material in violation of these Terms of Service at any time, without prior notice and at its sole discretion. "
The implications are quite clear, and it explains in part why Sturmgeist89's stuff was erased completely. I'm not certain if this was a term of use since the start, or whether it was added later when Google took over, but either way, this is how it is.
There's even more stuff here, to dispell any undue expectations and assumptions we may have had, or atleast I may have had. What's interesting though, is the restrictions I've pointed out are in place even in spite of the vast number of disclaimers and 'liability limitation' clauses they have in place already.
At the same time, it is a great site and as much as these damn restrictions are in place, it still serves a very large part of the purpose of web 2.0.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Plain as sand...

I'm blogging for the sake of blogging here just so I'm clear. I hate getting expectations messed. Just about everything for me can be brought down to some form of expectation. But well, that's another blog altogether. One I may write sometime soon. Who knows.
Anyway, I'm here again in Jaipur.
It's strange because I've never spent more than 2-3 months in this city but somehow it fulfills the qualification of home for me somehow. Like some sort of pit stop I can come back to and re- fuel so I can head back out and get on with the race. It's a good feeling too, because for a while you can just sit back and ride the flow with no particular purpose. Do I wish I pit stopped in Dubai? In some ways yes. I mean Dubai's great for that. It's clean as hell for the most part. Everything's automatic and available. It's as close to being completely objective as a commercial city can be. Too objective? Yes, but I'm talking pit stops here not retirement.
Anyway, it's always great to get away from stuff and look at things from a different angle. That way Jaipur's good for me because I don't have to dwell on too many things here. I mean it's great to encounter in so many ways a representation of where I come from in terms of an amazingly varied family scene, but there's nothing to worry about. It's the quintessential chill pill.
However, on coming here I got a taste of a different root to objectivity, one I fervently support. An uncle of mine who along with my aunt makes up my single favorite couple and favorite two people on the planet, said something that had me re- arranging alot of the thoughts I had become a bit set on in my head. We'd started talking about my course and how my goals have changed and ofcourse reached the role of the media. We got into social responsibility and it was there that he really shook me because he reminded me that any social change is always based on any one person or group's ideology and you can never have a unanimous 'right' or 'wrong'.
The actual discussion is not something I want to get into in this post, not yet anyway but the point is that just as I had pit stopped and let all the excitement, thoughts, emotions and intoxicants settle and take their course, I had them fluffed up a bit again.
Jaipur is awesome for getting yourself together, much like a dear friend of mine feels about her Abu Dhabi. I thought I wasn't dependent on places like this anymore, but in a way I've allowed myself this because, for the same reason I sleep at 10 30 sometimes, I simply can.
So here's to chilling with the dogs, cat, geese, birds and family, with no sea to stare at, but a whole lot of beautiful country side, a clear night sky and Jaipur's first cold November.
Till whenever.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Fault of the fourth and what not

<Updated: 13/10/2007>
This fucking planet...!
Alright so ever since I wrote that Times of India rant, I've started to see just how deep seeded the whole problem really is. See back then I thought the media was too afraid to do anything but feed the masses. Not that that is any less true but I've realised just how screwed up the masses really are to begin with.
In India there is a strange notion of patriotism. It's something we saw at the time of paritition and indeed relied on to reach even that stage. It's the concept of a mob. It's the reason a group of 50 will lynch people in Bihar(not even just once...) and it's the reason Ram Gopal Verma had to stay indoors after 'Aag.' But this mob mentality is most blatant in the one place it really has no right to exist in...sport. More honestly, just cricket.
This isn't about the fact that the football and hockey ('National' sport) teams have acheived proportionately equal significance in the past few months and have still been completely ignored minus a few headlines. This is about the fact that cricket is this population's vague excuse for patriotism. There is this bizarre notion that by supporting the cricket team you are in turn supporting your nation and that therefore makes you a good citizen, no matter how much you bitch about the government in your arm chair and litter the streets.
Sport is about the human spirit and physically and mentally hitting places you've never hit before. It's about strategically outdoing an opponent for the sake of testing yourself. Sport is beautiful and that's why people follow it. That's why the Gunners never lose fans and Chelsea only sell shirts. But for some reason in this country sport is an excuse for either extreme - savage lynchmob, or obsessive cult.
A few weeks ago after the Indian team brought home the title of world T20 champions, they drove past my college and I saw something I've neve seen before. Lakhs of people surrounded the bus and hundreds of educated students shrieked as the buses drove by. 'I SAW SREESANTH!' 'DUDE, I SAW ALL OF THEM!' That entire day we barely worked because everyone was awaiting the bus. Politicians shook hands with them and crores were spent in felicitation. I understand the concept of escapism but how can you burn a man's house one day and then sing songs about him the next? Why is a team that is essentially a sporting outfit the hope and pride of a nation while millions of us are dying of tubercolosis and diarrhoea? Why will we refuse to organise ourselves and force the government to get going but mobilise ourselves the second the cricket team wins or loses? Does everyone truly understand the sport they claim to love?
Is it all the media's fault? I don't know. Can the media fix it? Damn straight it can.
Elsewhere Sepp Blatter made some grunting noises to the basic effect that he wants all football clubs to have quotas for players from the respective nations they're participating in. This by the way, is a man who has always expressed his desire to banish racism from the game. Beautiful.
You know, whatever despairing need the nation may feel towards cricket, it is certainly not about sport. It's rooted in this bizarre feeling we all have about belonging to one country. It doesn't matter whose economy gets richer whenever you drink Pepsi or Thums up. Borders were made for administrative purposes. To make it easier to control a group of people. Not to segregate and glorify. The point of any government isn't to make itself better than anyone else, but indeed to just make it's people as comfortable in their personal growth as possible.You want something to belong to? Try the fucking planet!
I'll tell you what, in a few years time when we've effectively melted the planet, and we're all either drowning or burning, will it really matter whether you're Indian or English?
<The other day I came across the closest to honest patriotism I have ever come across. I had asked a friend of mine if I could crash at his place for a few days. Instead of saying "Mi casa es su casa" this guy just said "Arey, Mera ghar tera ghar!" To me, this was beautiful because of how natural his response and that's what real patriotism should be. Comfort.>

Saturday, September 22, 2007

When the bed bug bites...

ello all!
So where have I been? Well, a few months ago I was fortunate enough to be inducted into the greatest sociological muck up the planet will ever see- the BMM course at Wilson College.
Now the irony of my complete lack of writing due to a mass media course aside, these past few months have been without a doubt the most incredible I've ever experienced. 4 months ago, I was still that cunt who wanted to get into Xavier's and play west end some day, world at my feet and all that. Now? Coming into this world, the most significant feeling it gave me was one of being small. Tiny, insignificant, and most of all, truly clueless.
Right from my first lecture, I knew I was never going to leave, because before me stood a man who instilled insecurity and panic into a group of people who'd never even met him or in some cases had even heard of him, and all he had to do, was be himself. It was beautiful. It was like meeting our respective consciences, and looking back sheepishly as we realised how nothing we did had ever really mattered because we hadn't hit 100% productivity yet. What he represented at that point was everything we could be, in terms of effort and knowledge, that we so obviously weren't. He was basically a reminder of every time someone made us feel like shit about our 'potential,' or about how we didn't realise how lucky we were. How human his expectations were showed me my limit and it was harsh.
Ever since then, the weeks just moulded together into one huge moment, one which hasn't yet ended I feel, even as I type this out. What defines a moment is a consistent pace and bloody hell, it's been a considerable pace. It took me a while to truly soak myself in this life entirely, and indeed I needed a slight shove before i did, but now that I'm in it I've never felt better. For the first time I feel like I can actually make a fucking difference to this planet. In four little months I have grown more than I have in 18 years.
How incredibly messed up this planet really is, is something I've always known but for the first time it's overwhelmed me. It's too soon and I wouldn't dare commit just yet, but yes, reporting has quite firmly kicked my dreams of theatre in their metaphorical nuts. Maybe it'll be shortlived, I don't know, the amount I've been shaken up these past few months I can't really say anything, but for the moment that's where I feel I need to be. Studying and learning about all the things we have, everything in me is pointing me in this direction and mentally at least I'm already making preparations.
But the kind of awareness and logic the subjects have given me are all great but they wouldn't have meant fuck but for the people I've met here and the experiences we've shared. And for the first time in my life I think I may be willing to admit I want to concede to logic. Whether I have in the past or not is irrelevant, but for the first time I want to accept it as a part of what I believe in. A few weeks ago, I was struggling to choose between the person I used to be, the guy who writes plays, and the person I should be, the guy who writes fact. Art and logic, I felt. Fuck it, why not both? If there's one thing Bombay stands for, it's be whatever the hell you want to and however the hell you want to. Sounds good to me.
I've met some incredible people here who've really changed me and each one of them has been beautiful in their own way. Ive had some good experiences, and some a bit sour, but they've all been awesome because for the first time, reality's bitten me and I cannot wait to bite back!

I fucking hate bed bugs.